I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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