WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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