why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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