I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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