were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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