Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
