Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
