I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
