Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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