Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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