It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
