if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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