You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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