omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
