the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
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I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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