I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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