I'm laying in your front yard are you home
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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