There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Please don't give away my fajitas
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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