at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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