I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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