I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
