For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
