Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
