I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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