She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
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I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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