umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
