you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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