i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
