Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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