then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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