i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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