420 ftw
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
