Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
These tits shall not be calmed
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
