So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
