if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
