we made out on top of his cat.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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