I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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