Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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