It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
