You're my little dorito
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
