So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We left the knife in your bed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
