fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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