just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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