the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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