Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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