he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
