It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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