My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
