The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
