Porn is love you can see.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
