I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
