people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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