i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need to calm my uterus...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
