I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
