That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
