theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
