I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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