Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
