4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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