So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
