We need to rekindle our bromance
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
