ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
