And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
