Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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