he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
