I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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