Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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