Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
