I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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